I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
