she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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