Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize