A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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