what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I wear drunk well.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
