I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
