The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
