Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
