He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
