So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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