so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
