His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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