I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
