I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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