On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
