If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Congratulations! We have a period
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