I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
