never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ladies don't puke and tell
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
