I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
