my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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