I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
