I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
