I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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