How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
