I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
it's great music for shaving your balls
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
