my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
