My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
