I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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