I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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