Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's never too late to be topless.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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