Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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