U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Where is the hickey?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
