he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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