this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
