operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
