im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
