I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
