i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
