If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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