I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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