when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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