I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
