i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
