So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
