Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
