yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
