you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
