you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize