Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
