Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
