I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
