Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
