She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
