what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
