Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
