Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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