best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
