Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
