What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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