Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Where is the hickey?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
