i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
