Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize