I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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