I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
