That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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